Fiber Mama

Monday, February 9, 2009

oh, to be "in love" (sigh)

I wrote this about 7 years ago. It is still right here in my heart. The feeling is still here.....

[12 Sep 2002|10:01am]

and i wish i could tell you in a language or show you in a picture what is going on inside my head of emotions but i can tell you that my belly button is my center and balance and my favorite color is in the sky and cannot be duplicated anywhere else.

i promise.

Thursday, February 5, 2009

Honest Mama goes back in time

Remember when I had a livejournal and I went by the name 'digitalmeatfork'? I have been reading this old online journal lately and I find it very interesting the things I was feeling and writing and experiencing many years ago. It seems like so long ago yet some of these feelings are still here......

[19 Dec 2001|09:00pm]


[	music	\|	hummmmmmmm	]

where does one draw the line between telling someone how you really feel and being seen as immature or complaining? it is a blur when it leaves me standing there with wet eyes and a lump in my throat.

the trees are almost gone. it is almost over.

And here is another one. I love this one....

[29 Jan 2002|02:20pm]

Up until just recently, i loved the way the snow fell today. it was not dangerous nor did it threaten anyone. it came down with no direction and it came down in a special order of flakes. if one didn't know better(maybe their body thermometer was broken)they might think it was cotton floating around in the summer.

now it is pouring again and my thoughts are wondering to him and the phone and all the things i want to accuse him of, over and over again.

but even when the snow is random, he won't listen.

I think I will be doing this for awhile; going through old lj entries and revisiting and posting the ones I like or speak to me in this moment. This blog is kind of taking a little turn and maybe focusing more on me and my feelings and thoughts inside. There will still be updates on the kids and crafts, but this is where I need to be right now. Thank you for reading.

Monday, January 26, 2009

Honest Mama

I am in a lake, you see. Actually, it is more like an ocean because there are waves, and it's cold, and it's big, and though it is beautiful, it can be lonely and very stormy at times. This ocean is the journey of mamahood and the water is rising and rising and rising on me. It is almost to my nose and I fear I won't be able to breath soon. It is almost to my eyes and I fear I won't be able to see soon. And there is this little boat, you see. A little boat called trust. But it is a little bit leaky. And a little bit creaky. And I fear that I cannot get in it, with out it collapsing from beneath me.

This is where we are at again (minus the weaning). Only this time he is older and stronger. And I am older and feel weaker. I am also outnumbered.

My advise to you: Do not have children if you want to stay sane. And if you already have one, then don't have another one. EVER. And if you have more than one, are you in the ocean too? Is your boat sturdy? Can I join you in your boat?

Friday, December 19, 2008

boo!

Hello everyone!!! Once again, it has been way too long and so I am struggling with where to even begin because so much, SO MUCH, is going on right now in my little world. There are so many changes and it is a bit overwhelming at times but very positive and exciting for the most part. Lets do a list, shall we? Yes! I love lists. It is a good way to organize the thoughts....

1. I have a new job. I decided to stop doing the nanny thing and look for a completely different kind of job. And that is just what I got. I am now a receptionist for a toy company called Play Visions. I have never had this kind of job before, an office job, and I am pleasantly surprised at how much I am liking it. And I certainly like the fact that I am making some decent money again. I answer the phones and direct calls where they need to go, do all the invoices and mail them out to different stores that buy from us, and keep tabs on everyone in the building, and I file lots and lots of paper! Everyone I work with is really nice and it is a pretty chill place to be. I am very happy with it. Click here to see the stuff we sell and check out the company.

2. The boys started daycare. This has been a slow process. For the first week that I worked, Jill watched them all day and then just this week they started going half days. They were not liking it the first day. Ishmael grabbed my leg and did not want me to leave and Ibrahim cried as I walked out the door. It was hard for me to leave. The second day went a little better but Ishmael still doesn't like to go or even really talk about being there. I guess it is a process and I just hope that they can eventually have some good times there.

3. Jill and I and our kiddos are moving into a house together! Jill's Mom and step Dad bought a house for us to live in. It needs some work done on it before we can move into it so we probably won't even start to do that until mid to late February. I am thrilled to get to live with the person I love so much and her beautiful and wonderful daughter. They feel like family to me and I look forward to creating a home with them.

4. And then there is all this darn snow. I love it and I hate it. It is very pretty and fun to play in.......for about 2 days. Then I am ready to move on and get moving again. But I am trying to enjoy it while it is here and know that it will eventually melt. We got out for a few minutes to play in it the other day. Ishmael and Johari were not too interested in it, but guess who loved it?